Ministry - Morning Glory

Behind every top night, there's always the post-club chill out. But what are the essential ingredients? We asked Saturday morning TV goddess Gail Porter to help us out...

Time was when you knew where you were with kids TV presenters. Screamingly jolly, bland, asexual types like Philip Schofield were the norm. Nipple rings, years of raving and a huge collection of old skool hardcore on vinyl were definitely not qualifies that sprang to mind.

But meet Gail Porter, presenter of BBC TV's Fully Booked- a Saturday morning slice of juvenelia that's seen her touted as a fledgling Zoe Ball. You know the score: hordes of noisy kids, Boyzone on the couch and, judging by the letters she receives, an audience that is just as likely to have spent the previous night larging it as those who were tucked up in bed by 9pm.

Televisual eye-candy tor monged out clubbers she may be, but this 27-year-old Scots lass isn't some PR-schooled pop kid. Following a host of crappy jobs with TV production companies, Gail wrote to cable channel Live! TV! suggesting that she could help present their coverage of the Edinburgh Festival. "I completely blagged it," she says. "I'd never presented anything before and now there was a live camera crew expecting me to get it right first time."

Needless to say, Gail pulled it off and a string of presenting jobs followed. Two years on and she's one of the hottest prospects around - with a new series of Fully Booked due in the new year plus work pouring in from the BBC, ITV and a new Saturday night radio show on London's indie station Xfm. She may shudder at the Zoe Ball comparisons but it got our minds working...

Zoe Ball is a real caner. Are children's TV presenters allowed to have it large now?

My hard partying days were back in '91/'92- Saying that, I have come stumbling out of London bars at 6am looking the worse for wear. The next morning you always think 'Thank God there wasn't a photographer outside'.

Do you do the whole Met Bar [celeb-filled, member's only London haunt] thing?

You know what? I've never been to the Met Bar. I'm too scared that they won't let me in. I've never blagged my way into a club in my life. People say 'Oh, I'lI meet you at the Met Bar' and I just won't go. Can you imagine the shame of being turned away? Maybe Ministry of Sound can be my first blagging exercise. Can you put me on the guest list ?

Ah, but first we're talking about the art of chilling this issue and, given that loads of wide-eyed clubbers gaze at you each Sunday morning, we'd like to know how you kick back and relax...

I do find it difficult to relax when I'm in Britain. I work a lot, drink black coffee all day and if I'm not working then I'm at home hoovering. I'm a bit obsessed with cleanliness you see. In fact when the taxi picked me up today it arrived really early and I started to panic because I hadn't finished my chores. I was running around my flat shouting out 'This is not in my schedule!'.

So when do you get to chill out?

Holidays. That's the only time I can really relax. Probably my most cherished chilling moment ever is from a few years back when I went to Ibiza. We did all the club things, but the best bit was just sitting watching the sunset outside Gafe Del Mar. Everything seems so simple there; come back home and try and explain the vibe and people just think that you're a hippy. When I returned me and my friend were so depressed at being back in Britain that we blasted off to Ibiza again after two weeks. Unfortunately we had no money so we spent the whole time sitting on the beach listening to Jose [Padilla].

You were a real raver back in the day weren't you ?

Yeah, my heyday was from the age of about 18 to 22. When I lived in Scotland I'd be down The Vaults in Edinburgh. Then I moved to Watford - it was handy for all the big raves like Amnesia at The Eclipse, Energy, World Party and that brilliant all-nighter, Time at the Birmingham Rag Market.

Bloody hell, you were right in there then ?

Erm, well I wasn't really hardcore or anything but I did go to the massive events at least once a month. Remember The Book Of Love in '91 ? There was 20,000 people in a field in Derbyshire with DJs like Fabio, Grooverider, Mickey Finn and DJ SS. He was one of my faves, old SS. I've still got all their mix tapes [starts chanting like an MC] "DJ SS is a psycho wizard - coomaaarn!". I've still got stacks of vinyl. God knows why-I probably harboured secret desires to be a rave DJ. I loved N-Joi's Anthem - what a massive tune. Did you know Saffron from Republica was their singer? She's gorgeous?

So what about the other, er, elements that go with all-night clubbing?

Just lots of black coffee I'm afraid. [She gives an ernbarassed grin]. I didn't even take Pro-Plus - I'm so hyperactive it'd probably give me a heart attack. Anyway, let's move on.

Let's talk about piercings. You've got a bolt through your nipple. For God's sake why?

I just wanted one. It didn't hurt too much. In fact I quite enjoyed the sensation.

Really? Did it make you want to experiment with S&M and other painful stuff?

No! So please don't print "Kids' TV presenter has S&M fantasies". But I was on holiday a few weeks ago and loads of kids came running up to me on the beach shouting "It's Gail from Fully Booked" and there I was wearing nothing but bikini bottoms with a ring through my nipple. I've probably traumatised them for life.

Do nipple rings enhance your sex life at all?

Ha! What sex life ? I've not been out with anyone for nearly two years. I don't really get approached by blokes and if I do they go 'It's that bird off the telly' which isn't particularly endearing. I'm no good at reading people - I don't notice men chatting me up. According to Matthew Wright in the Mirror I was going out with my co-presenter Tim Vincent. The headline was 'Fully Hooked' - I'd never read so much rubbish in my life.

Are you sick to the back teeth of interviewing boy bands?

Um, well most of them are nice lads even though I'm not a fan of their music. We've had some wicked guests. I had Suggs in my dressing room last week. He just walked in and I got really tongue-tied because I used to worship Madness when I was little. I said "Sorry, you'll have to come back because I'm not ready to talk to you yet."

How did he take that?

He looked at me slightly oddly and walked off - I just can't cope with icons in my dressing room. My favourite guest always surprises people They expect me to say Boyzone or 911 when in fact it's people like John Shuttleworth [bizarre organ-playing comedian] and Charlie Chuck [downright insane comedian]. Shuttleworth's a genius - he had all the kids singing about pigeons.

The guest Selection does sometimes seem geared to an older audience...

Well, I get lots of letters from students and clubbers who've been out all night and want to thank me for having a laugh and brightening up their weekend morning.

D'you think they're mashed up when they write to you?

They're certainly very friendly. The wierd stuff gets censored though. Good thing too - there's some scary people out there in clubland...